Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
