Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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