I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
