He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
