Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
