Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
