You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
