how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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