jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
