I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Bring me that man meat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
