I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize