Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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