so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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