I cannot find my penis.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
