Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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