How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
