A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
