porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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