There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
