Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
