you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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