Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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