I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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