i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
