Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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