Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
