This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
