I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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