I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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