I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
