is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
