Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
