The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
