wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
