YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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