I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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