This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
