i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
