I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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