I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
