oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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