the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im about as happy as oj after his trial
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
