i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My vagina is officially offended.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
