Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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