The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
