After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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