It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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