She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
foreskin is a definite game changer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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