i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
