Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
