haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You are a genius and a whore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
