How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
