i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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