Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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