look no pants
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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