Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?