Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...