So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman