bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house