I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.