I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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