Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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