im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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