We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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