i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The ass gains better be worth it
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