You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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