Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
