ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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