She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
