She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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