I think I won the penis lottery.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
